Once a Cheater, Not Always a Cheater



In a recent New York Post article, Naomi Schaeffer Riley tackles infidelity and those who commit it. “Yes, They Will Cheat Again” (bit.ly/XqZZl5) is her venting frustration with the women who get involved with men with a dubious history of fidelity. Her assertion is that once a cheater, always a cheater. She not only permanently ties men to their guilty past but criticizes women who get involved with them and suggests that they are naïve or self defeating. This wholesale condemnation is not accurate for everyone. Of course, there are examples of serial cheaters but that does not mean that everyone that has ever strayed is destined to stray again. Schaeffer Riley does not take into account change, growth, maturation or the very critical ingredient of being with the right person, someone for whom you feel tremendous attraction thus mitigating any urge to stray. She sites Tiger Woods and Brad Pitt as particularly egregious and suggests that Angelina Jolie and Lindsey Vonn are duped and destined for heartbreak and humiliation. Regarding Angelina Jolie, she says, “getting together with Brad Pitt, what’s the thinking there? Sure, he’d cheat on Jennifer but I’m so much hotter that he’d never cheat on me.” We’re sure Angelina Jolie wasn’t thinking that. She was completely and wildly in love with Brad Pitt and didn’t want to give him up. As for her criticism of Pitt and Woods, we cannot attest to the intentions of either man, but we are well acquainted with people who were unfaithful in the past and once they found the right partner and sustainable chemistry, that behavior was history. Not only does having a facial feature match with whom there is real compatibility reduce the incidences of infidelity, but some people do actually change. People make mistakes and those who have any wisdom at all learn from those mistakes. And it is poison to enter a new and serious relationship without some faith; trust is as critical ingredient as attraction. Schaeffer Riley laments the fact that increased legal and social rights for women has not insulated them from being with men who exercised faulty judgment in the past. She never takes into account that these women have a powerful connection to these men and, when mutual, that connection is a powerful barrier against the many temptations that both partners may face. She also never mentions women who cheat; does she think men are guilty perpetrators and women are helpless victims? We are seeking a much more complex and sophisticated analysis than that. We at FYFM certainly don’t condone cheating, but rather than caution people against involvement with someone who once cheated, we caution people not to invest too much in someone with whom they haven’t sufficient chemistry. It takes two to have a great connection; mutual attraction is the name of the game!

Above: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stripped of their hair to highlight their similarities.
Below: LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian, Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn.

LeAnn-Rimes-Eddie-Cibriantiger woods  lindsey vonn


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