“Love is the most selfish of all the passions.” Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers

Our previous blogs have touched upon the effects on the brain of falling in love; that amazing neurological transformation that we undergo with the release of certain chemicals and synthesis of certain neurotransmitters. In addition, we exhibit behaviors and traits that are a direct product of the intensity of emotion and desire that we experience as we first fall in love.

Falling in love can be so encompassing that little else matters. Priorities shift and attentions are diverted. It’s the most generous form of selfish!

It’s selfish in that we overwhelmingly attend to the needs generated by the burgeoning love; we heed, first and foremost, the passion and love we feel for our new partner; the connection becomes our oxygen. It doesn’t mean that we love others less or that we don’t care for our friends and families, but the ‘honeymoon phase’ takes so much energy and attention, that other things fall by the wayside, or become temporarily marginalized.

I did things when I fell in love that I would have never thought I was capable of.  I was a devoted mother of two small children when I fell in love with someone else. I had a wonderful husband, but I was not in love with him. I didn’t even really know what love was until I met the man that became my second husband. As I’ve alluded to before, the intensity of emotion and longing was so great that I was willing to do almost anything to be with him. So, I left my first husband. I just couldn’t live without the man whom I loved.

I am not the only one this happened to.  The smile on the face of young Amanda Knox, for example, made her look even guiltier of the tragic murder of Meredith Kercher. But we believe that her smile was a product of falling madly in love; it was not intended as a sign of disrespect in the face of such a heinous crime; a crime of which she was eventually exonerated.

Similarly, when Governor Mark Sanford went missing and lied to his wife and constituents, it was all in the name of love. We don’t defend these actions, and we understand the distress they can cause; but we do recognize what causes them and it’s critical to note what can happen during the early signs of falling in love.

Even though the initial stages of love can invite selfish actions, ultimately, love makes us all more generous over all!


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