Love Will Keep Us Together

Time to get personal. I learned the hard way what it feels like when you give up on love. When you are in love with someone, work at it! My ex-husband and I had so much stress with our blended families that I lost touch with the love that brought us together. I believed that I deserved better than the conflict and chaos that seemed to dominate our lives. I became indignant, resentful and insensitive; and I walked away.  Interestingly enough, we still managed to have great times together when it was just the two of us; but when we were with our children it was a disaster. We failed to communicate about our issues.  Good communication is necessary for one-unit families and even more essential for blended families! My parents didn’t communicate either; a lesson I failed to learn until it was too late. To be fair, we had four teenagers; two from my first marriage and two from his. In all honestly, mine were the bigger challenge. So, because I had so few coping mechanisms, I just bowed out.  I come from a big family and life was chaotic growing up; peace was something I never had or even knew I needed. When things get tough I tend to run. What did I expect? Peace with four teenagers? It wasn’t my ex’s fault, just as it wasn’t my fault. But I blamed him. I was so tired of being the one blamed for everything (as mothers tend to be).  So, I left! Not as quickly as KIm Kardashian; (I was with him for 15 years). We jumped through hoops to be together and then I just gave up. I was so stressed and resentful that I could not see the light. I learned the hard way; I missed him so much that I cared about nothing else. I still haven’t forgiven myself and perhaps I never will. By leaving my ex it was as if I said he wasn’t special to me; and that was completely wrong. He met someone a year later and he was inaccessible to me. Again, what did I expect?  It was like a piercing through the heart. I had a lot less tension in my life but a whole lot more heartache. The pain of loss is so great that it can impact your body. Emotional pain is so devastating that it can take years to recover.  The first year that we didn’t speak I felt like a dead person. After that I was on a mission to fill up my time because time became the enemy.  My hope is that everything I learned I can share so that others don’t make the same mistakes that I made. This is why I launched FYFM. We all know so much about a lot of things but very little about love. Even professionals are misguided. On the eve of my first marriage, a reputable therapist said that I didn’t want to get intimate with my fiancé because of my parents’ dysfunctional relationship. That diagnosis was ridiculous. I didn’t want to get intimate with my first husband because I wasn’t attracted to him. He was and is a wonderful man and a great father but there was no real attraction. This is why I have been fixated on chemistry.  I married him because I didn’t get much guidance from my large family. I sought it from him instead. But that is not the foundation for a committed romance. If you find chemistry and it leads to a healthy love, stick it out!   We don’t mean to suggest that all couples should stay together, but think hard before you leave someone you love. Love only comes along a few times in a lifetime; cherish it, take time for it, nourish it, and it will grow.   Keep talking and try to hold onto the memories that started your fateful love. Today’s gallery of photos is devoted to couples whose love was greater than any physical or social obstacles.

Above: Manuel and Claudia Uribe   Below: Stephanie and Christian Nielson (before and after their plane crash), Tyler Southern (who lost three of his limbs in Afghanistan) and his bride, Ashley Statti, and Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka

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2 Responses to “Love Will Keep Us Together”

  1. GordonWayneWatts Says:

    You’re right: People should not give up so easily.

    It’s a 2-pronged solution:

    #1 — To use prevention as the best medicine, & look for the ‘right’ match in the first place (or else ‘sticking to it’ will NOT be worthwhile).

    #2 — If and when you find the ‘right’ person for you, then *impatient* giving up too quickly will do in all the potential blessings, especially considering how hard it is to find the ‘right’ match: a LOT of nice people, but nice does NOT necessarily mean a good match in romance.

    PS: There was some advertisement vid featuring teenagers in the wild –how ironic the coincidence — the ad was just as funny as your post was good!

    I’m Flash Gordon, and I approve this message! 😀

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