Valentine’s Day Aftershock: Chemistry Can Be Dangerous!

christina bloom

So you look like your partner and everything will be wonderful, right? Wrong!

A facial feature match does not necessarily lead to harmonious, lasting love.  You could have the powerful chemical connection, but that same person could be WRONG for you, and even someone who could hurt you.

Having a facial feature match creates a more intensely “charged” relationship.  One can be so enthralled with partner, she/he can become blind to suspicious issues when they arise.  A person can choose to ignore dangerous “signs” because they don’t want to loose the relationship.  A connection can be so strong, to be apart from the lover feels like you are “dying.”   You might feel the partner’s attention is crucial.  People will cross all barriers to be together: ethnicity, age and sexuality to requite this powerful desire.  This connection of facial feature similarity can bring anyone together; a person can fall love with someone who is in jail for murder, or someone who might not seem like a good person.  It’s like taking a drug – a drug that the person can’t live without. It can feel very, very good, but is also can be BAD.   John Meyer said that having sexual relations with Jessica Simpson was like a crack addiction.  One can feel “high” when in the throes of intense attachment.  Having chemistry is like being in a bubble and your most urgent desire is to be desired by the one to whom you feel bonded. It could lead to a healthy relationship in which you honor each person’s boundaries – initially you walk on eggshells for the first year, until you achieve a comfortable closeness.  But it is also true that desire can manifest lead to a sick, dangerous, obsession.

In February 10, 2010’s New York Post an article called True Love – It’s All About ‘Chemistry'” by Jessica Pauline Ogilve supports the notion that falling in love can feel like a high from cocaine and cause obsessive behavior. Anthropologists have said chemistry helps ensure reproduction of the species and researchers are exploring what happens physiologically.  Ogilve cites Arthur Aron, a social psychologist from Stony Brook University who has done brain scans on people newly in love and found that the magical meeting of a couple activates a complex series of reactions in the brain that is “the same thing that happens when a person takes cocaine.”  In one of Aron’s studies participants viewed images of the person she/he loved, the “ventral tegumental” of the brain is flooded with dopamine.  This area of the brain is associated with pleasurable or rewarding behavior, but heightened activity in this region of the brain can also cause bizarre behavior in new couples.  Most are aware that one who has fallen in love can get caught in a strange cycle of motivation to please the beloved.  Losing sleep and euphoria are common in this instance but the behaviors can move into feelings of “anxiety and obsession when they are separated from their object d’amour” Oglive writes.  If the relationship stabilizes then other hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin replace the dopamine surge to help foster emotional bonding.  If the relationship stays in a highly charged addictive pattern of behaviors, events can sadly escalate to a dangerous conclusion.

Neil Entwistle was convicted of murdering his wife Rachel and baby daughter Lillian on January 20th, 2006.

Scott Peterson was convicted of the murder of his wife Laci Peterson and their unborn child. Laci was reportedly last seen alive in December of 2004.

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