Love Daze

christina bloom

Most people are confused about dating and attraction.  Look at some of the articles I’ve read lately on love and dating:

Unlocking the Secrets of Sexual Attraction (Ellen McCarthy, New York Post, November 8, 2010)

You Should Date This Man: Author shocks single ladies by suggesting they settle “Mr. Good Enough” (Sara Stewart, New York Post, Februrary 7, 2010)

Love Dr’s V-day Rx for Singles (Jennifer Fermino, New York Post, February 8, 2010)

Better Loving Through Chemistry (Natasha Singer, New York Times, February 7, 2010)

In the first article listed above, Unlocking the Secrets of Sexual Attraction, Ellen McCarthy writes about a newly minted psychology professor who was stumped when students asked how couples come together.  The professor, Eli Finkel, said in his course on romantic relationships that not only did he “not know,” what makes attraction work, he said “the field” doesn’t even know.  Finkel remarked further that most research was done in the 1950’s and 1960’s, but the topic has been pretty much abandoned.

I know what sparks romantic attraction. I’ve studied couples for 20 years. Honestly, I’m stunned.  Why don’t people see what I see?

It makes perfect sense: there has to be a phenotypical component (of or relating to appearance) in a couple “pairing off.”   Mr. Paul Dobransky, a relationship author and expert says, you need to be aware of subtle signals since you may meet a “cutie” at an inconvenient time.  But I have news for Mr. “Lov Doc,” if you meet someone cute, at any time – if they aren’t your match, it simply won’t work.  You might have a “roll in the hay,” but not a lasting connection.  Mr. Dobransky is not understanding the whole picture.  The trick is to meet your facial feature match and then engage them in some way.  That’s very hard to do when you are older.  Being single is a lot different when you’re younger; you meet many more people single as a young person (i.e. college, parties, etc.). Meeting your match is really is a numbers game – the younger you are, the numbers are in your favor, but the older you get, more people are in a committed relationship – fewer eligible faces with which to “match-up.”  Again, if you follow Lov Doc’s V-day Rx for Singles, and you focus on being a “giver and not a taker” as Dobransky suggests will only help you when meet the right match, otherwise it won’t make any difference.

One can settle for “Mr. Good Enough,” author Lori Gottlieb says in Sara Stewart’s article, and ensure you have a companion, but if you are married when you meet “Mr. Perfect” (aka your “Similar Facial Feature Match”) your world will be shattered….

And the article by Natasha Singer in the New York Times on February 7, 2010, Better Loving Through Chemistry recognizes that love is all about chemistry and science.  Wow…. now I have hope that someone is getting “it!”; she  knows it’s all about “chemistry!”  But then I read the article, and…ugh, I give up!  We all know that once we have chemistry, the connection feels “right.”  But what’s the prescription for chemistry?  Singer mentions a website called, founded about 2 years ago, which aims at creating romantic chemistry via genetic testing. The site matched people up based on genetic markers from the immune system.  This approach resulted from studies showing that women are attracted to men who have different immune systems and, subsequently emit a different bodily scent from the woman’s own.  This is crazy! They charge you $2.,000.00 to find you a partner that doesn’t have your “smell.”   What…?!  I don’t think so!  I’m not a scientist but I’ve had experiences which refute this theory completely.  I once worked in an office with someone I was crushing on (this is way before my theory took shape).  Anyway, the crush was short-lived.  I look back now and I can “see” we had very few similar facial features.  Something even more strange, as soon as I realized I didn’t like him, instantly his smell annoyed me.  I didn’t even want to be near him! I didn’t notice it before. Let’s put it this way: if you like the face you, will like the smell.  It goes hand and hand…trust me on this.

Are you confused now?  Keeping checking my blog, and I will set you straight!


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